The long and winding road.

What a super way to use my last holiday day pf the year! It was like a having a free "get out of work" card!
My friend Charley and I went on a little adventure to find a mystical charitable second hand warehouse.... and that we did! (despite Sheffield's ridiculous one way systems....)
It was full of lovely things but I was on a strict budget... I got a lovely China cat jug (which I want to get some flowers for today!)
The most speldiferous bit was the shop cat....... Kipper! He was adorable! Running round, miaowing, attacking anything he could get his mitts on.
It was super cold in the warehouse and our feet were like little blocks of unhappy ice so we went to Cocoa. The best chocolate shop in the world... bar none!
We had their extra thick hot chocolate and our favourite rose and violet creams. The hot chocolate ws so thick I did indeed end up eating it with a spoon!
Its such a lovely shop, and has a little snug for you to drink your tasty beverages in.
We got there at just the right time though because it started to get very busy! One of the lovely owners, Kate, took this shot of us displaying our post chocolate glow.
Quite frankly, I can't wait to go back to both of those places!

Such a peaceful life.

I wish things could be as simple as they are in my cat's life.
No worries.
No job, no money, no hassle.

I need this in my life...

Just, y'know, generally.

Get your sex out of my eye.

God I hate Mary Portas. If it wasn't for chumps like her my day to day life wouldn't make me feel like a worthless piece of crap on the bottom of the worst person in the world's shoe.
Primark? No customer service? No shit turd brain..... when you pay £6 for a dress, you're not paying for service.... you're paying to pick it up, buy it. End of story.
"Protest for better service" Protest and I'll punch you in the eye!
We retail monkeys should be protesting for better shoppers who aren't rude arseholes and the right to shout in their faces until they are polite.

Plath in the bath.

I think I might have devastated my mind by reading Ariel by Sylvia Plath in the bath last night. I'm feeling rather deflated. I spent a long time (in my miss spent youth) reading Plath and really feeling connected to her writing (after all, it's every depressed girl's mantra). I think you can connect so easily with it as it flows like thoughts... the sort of thoughts you might have when you're really low, confused and fuddled with medication. There's also a slight under-tone of humour in some of it. That feeling of it's not funny but I'm laughing because it's all I can seem to do. Resignation that things wont change. It I don't laugh I'll cry.

It's been quite some time since I read poetry (I'm quite a big reader but lately I've been plowing through tacky crime thrillers like no other literature exists) and I was really engrossed in it. So much so that I got out the bath and read about her life on the internet. I'd pretty much read it all before but it'd been a long time.
There's such a fascination with suicide, especially where young women are concerned, but I think it's interesting to look at the reactions to depression back then and the treatments prescribed. Electro-convulsive therapy, Insulin shots, crazy stuff. Seems like a very physical response to mental illness.
I wouldn't say that today's treatments are that much better..... tablets from a doctor you most likely will never see again, one appointment at the hospital to see a psychiatrist who tells you to wear an elastic band on your wrist and snap it if you feel panicky, sort your own councelling out.
It seems we've moved on from knee-jerk panic treatment to raising awareness of such a disorder yet responding lazily.
I'd love to think of a way to approach treatment for depression, having suffered for years you'd think I might know how, but I'm stumped.

This must be why old people get up so early...

... I've got so much done!
Had an early hospital appointment so was out the house for 7 am. Since then I've visited a friend, done the post, been to the supermarket, rectified some of the damage caused to my garden by the harsh winter AND made a bean burger mixture! I'm doing really well!
I also sorted out my house plants and a bunch of flowers I got on Christmas Day that are still going strong!

Holidays are over. My face is over.

Well, I had a week's holiday to use up by the end of January and that I did. That, I did.
It's been a great week, especially after working in a shop all Christmas and being very ill to boot. It was great to have a rest.
We went to Nottingham on Monday where I got a new wedding dress to replace the teeny weeny one that didn't fit and I like this one more! It's lovely and there are more options with it.... much more fun!
Nottingham was...... interesting. I've been before but a long time ago. I wouldn't say it had much to offer that Sheffield doesn't. And if I lived there I don't think I'd go out after dark! as soon as the night started lots of scary bad people surfaced!
The best thing about Nottingham was going to the pub for dinner where I had battered Halloumi and chips and it was the greatest EVER! (picture above is me with a picture of Robin Hood waiting for my food to come!)
On Tuesday we went for tea with our friends at The York in Broomhill (where we want our wedding meal). We drank quite a bit of beer and ate some tasty food and examined the menu and drinks in preparation for our meeting there on Thursday.
On Wednesday we went to see The Kings Speech which is fantastic. You can't really fault anything in it! Well worth a watch, and possibly a re-watch too! Then it was home and Greedy Greek for tea!
Thursday was a trip to the gym (well, you've got to have a guilt trip with all the drinking and eating out!) followed by our meeting at The York. The staff are really helpful, very organised and think of things I've not thought of yet! We (again) had tea there and sampled foods that will be on our wedding food choices. I had a goat's cheese, red pepper and walnut frittata and it was sooooo tasty and soooo filling! Following this we went to the Devonshire Cat and I drank lots of wine and Joe drank lots of beers with strange names.
Friday.... a teensy bit hungover, we went to see The Green Hornet. A good comic-book movie. I'm quite a fan of Seth Rogan and superheroes so it was a win-win for me! We followed this by (more) halloumi! We went to the Common Room and had Halloumi and cherry tomato skewers with flatbread and chunky (and i mean CHUNKY!) chips then back home for a nap!
That night my friend (and also my bridesmaid) came over for tea and with a hot-off-the-press delivery of .... our wedding invitation!!! It's a beautiful design and I can't wait to get it back from the printers and sent out! (You can see the wonderful work she does here http://charleydreams.blogspot.com/. We had some tasty veggies, I ruined the roast potatoes and then watched an interesting Giallo with Edwidge Fenech called All the Colours Dark.
Saturday was breakfast at the local greasy spoon "Bloomers" with Joe (a bit dirty but when you work in a shop you rarely get a Saturday morning! So we thought we'd join those lucky 9-5'ers and read the Sun in a proper caff! Then it was lunch out with two of my Bridesmaids (MORE FOOD!) and a wander around the charity shops. Followed by a night in. Finally! We watched Talledega Nights (I also love Will Ferrell!) and laughed our little socks off. I just love silly made up things and I particularly liked the bloopers!
Sunday; the last day before doom descends upon me. It was a friend's birthday and we went in a big group for dinner at The Fat Cat in Kelham Island. There is a real life beautiful tortoiseshell cat who roams the pub, he comes for a little sit and tickle with you too. It's well worth a visit just for cat joy! I had the tastiest mushroom, mustard and tarragon pie with veggies followed by jam roly poly and custard.....

On that note... I feel like a massive roly poly. I need to go back to work. Eat healthily. Rediscover fruit (what's fruit?). Go to the gym. Drink water.

All that boring stuff.

Boo Hoo

Goodbye Mad Men :(

So the Mad Men wedding dress didn't fit as the measurements given were wrong (6 inches smaller than it said!) I was a little bit sad as it was a really lovely dress. Thankfully the seller was great and has refunded me and apologised. (I will be visiting her again as her stuff is lovely!)
I've made a pretty quick turn around though and went to Nottingham and found a new dress in Backlash Clothing. The lady in there was lovely and there were so many dresses to choose from! I tried on quite a few including some pretty epic Shirley Bassey fishtail numbers covered in tulle, net and pearls! Sadly there were no room for my boobs so I didn't get one of those (probably a good thing! I don't think Sheffield Town Hall or my Fiancee would be ready for that!)
I did find one in there though and spent all day wandering round thinking about it so I went back and bought it. I really like it but it needs a bit of tweeking as it's more an outer dress (I think it would be more porno dress if not tweeked.... it's see through)
So I now have a little customising mission which makes it all the more fun! Now when people ask where I got my dress I can say this bit was from here and I made this bit and blah blah blah!
Tomorrow we are meeting the planner at the restaurant/pub we want our wedding meal at. We went last night for tea and got our heads around the menu and drinks so we can go to meet the lady and be prepared. It's quite exciting now things are starting to come together. 5 months and I'll a grumpy old Mrs!

Bridezilla 2 - Return of the planner.

With the new year and the fact I have no money until pay day I've been getting really frustrated with wedding planning! It's all getting done bit by bit but I wish I could just get loads done in one go!
I was lying awake for hours the other night worrying about getting the meal booked for after the ceremony.... but I think that was partly to do with the fact I'd not taken my medicine in over a week and it was the first day back on them!
I love this 1960s bride doll, I'd love one of these as a decoration at the wedding so I will keep my eyes peeled, I'm sure I will find one in 5 months! There was a huge one at Langtons Antique Centre when we went and bought our new 1930s 3 piece suite but I refrained..... maybe she'll still be there next time I go!

Onwards!

Christmas is over!
I had a lovely time, its the first Christmas in about 1o years where I've felt I really belong and that I am part of a family.
We did Christmas Day at our house; presents under the tree, full veggie dinner and sticky toffee pudding for dessert, Christmas family movie (Toy Story 3! Again!)
I got all lovely presents, things I love! And things I need! ( I got baking equipment so I can now make something other than Victoria Sponge which I can make without measuring the ingredients!) Lots of lovely bath products so I've had a very decadent week bathing-wise!
Sadly I got ill ON CHRISTMAS DAY! Boohoo! I think my ear infection weakened my system and I caught a bug off Joe's brother Jake. So I spent the whole week coughing, spluttering and sleeping....
New Year is always garbage! We stayed in, watched Anchorman (very funny! Triggering some spectacular coughing fits!), had a few beers and were asleep by 10.30!

...on to Mad Men.....
I bought my wedding dress! I don't really watch Mad Men, though Joe adores it so I am aware of it and find it a treat for the eyes, but the only way I can describe my wedding dress is a mixture of Betty and Peggy.
I got some lovely money for Christmas which I'm using for my wedding outfit, I'd been spending my ill days in bed scouring the internet for vintage dresses. There are some gorgeous tulle ones but all are TINY, EXPENSIVE and IN AMERICA! So not at all great for me.
The problems with wanting a vintage dress for your wedding is finding the right one and it being tiny so you'll never fit in it or finding a nice one but thinking you'll keep looking then not getting ANYTHING! So I got it. And I can't wait to get it in the post!
Now I have the dilemma of BRIDESMAIDS!
I'm not having a "weddingy" wedding but I have three best friends who are the equivalent of bridesmaids therefore they need to wear something. But I don't want bridesmaid dresses for them and all three are so different anyway.
It's very stressful having a small unweddingy wedding! I can't imagine doing a big wedding!